I think i peed on brittanys purse
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
