My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
