sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
