Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
