Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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