ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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