i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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