my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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