why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
