I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Randomize
