I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize