I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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