He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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