I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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