her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize