Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
