shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sober January is a disaster.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
