theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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