Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
