Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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