i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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