why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
