I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
