I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
