youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
