I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
