I CAN MOONWALK!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
