either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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