Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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