are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
