life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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