You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
