I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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