he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
