I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
