You made me cry and you don't even care
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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