Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
