just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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