I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
