I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
