Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
