so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
