You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
tell me about the eggs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
