Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're like the curious george of whores
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
