I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
