just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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