I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
