chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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