Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
soo... how was my night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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