I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
