Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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