KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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