i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had sex on a roof
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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