It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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