Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
