That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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