I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
