How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
