So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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