what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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