will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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