she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
BRING THE BAGELS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
