We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
