his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
