I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
