Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
