I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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